Excuse the very crude title, a bad attempt at wit but to my defence it has been a long day. I write this after receiving treatment, a steroid injection into my middle ear, which (for me at least) dramatically helps my Tinnius. Now you might or might not have noticed it is Tinnitus awareness week so I thought I would try to get these random thoughts that have been circling my head out and in some kind of order to create some form of a post.
You see I have been suffering with tinnitus for over 6 years. It took a long time to properly diagnose my condition, so I get confused just how long it's been.. For me, tinnitus, is a side effect of my Meniere's disease which also brought about chronic migraines. What a party!
It has taken many years for me to be at peace with tinnitus even though it is an unwelcome, never ending sound track to life. For most part it is like a constant mid range pitch, a noisy air conditioner unit which has a mind of it's own. For most of the time I try to filter it out but occasionally it can be very disruptive and directly effect my hearing. Things will sound distorted, like when you call and have your connection sound like you are underwater. I have even been woken on numerous occasions from the loud sounds my ear has decided to experiment with in the wee hours of the morning and I swear it must have a sense of humour as it will mimic my alarm, which in it's own way can cause enough issues. (When I sleep on my good ear I realise just how little I hear including my alarm clock however, when the boy is snoring it really does come in handy.)
The best 'treatment' for me was to accept this was unlikely to change or go away. As heart breaking as it was to admit and accept this to myself, once this happened I really started to notice a difference. Yes I could still hear strange sounds but I felt I was't bothered so much by the 'music' my ear created. Just like most conditions I still have a good and bad days. As positive as I try to be, tinnitus can very much can get the better of me make me feel I have lost my mind and would do almost anything to make it all stop. Have you ever craved silence before?
From what I have read, it is different for everyone but movies like A Star is Born and Baby Driver demonstrate excellent examples. The soundscape is exceptional in both these films. I will never forget turning to my friends who I had seen the film with and being able to share what I experience. Another way to deal with it all was to escape or drown it out with headphones. Reconnecting with music has helped keep me calm and escape the unwanted and unwelcome noise. Especially when realising stress can encourage the canary ( a joke I have between my partner and I about all the music it likes to create) put a lot of things in perspective. Literally stop stressing the little things in life.
I am always on the look out for any other tips of tricks that might have helped you deal with your tinnitus. My mind won't let go the just how incredible the body is and how interesting that this started when I first developed issues with my middle ear, like an internal alarm telling me my left ear isn't working properly. Perhaps this is just my body screaming at me and now I can finally listen. Either way, this canary needs to start learning some new tunes and I will be trying my best to look after myself and pick the soundtrack I want to listen to ;)
As my blog is generally generally photographic based here a few sneaky pictures taken with my iPhone when I had my treatment (mentioned above) including the offending ear. I always internally wrestle with myself if I should share this information. Highlight my imperfections for all to see. I don't want to be known for my disability but at the same time I do have limitations which I have to deal with. Anyway this is me, feeling slightly vulnerable to share my imperfections online.
weekly musing from Rosalind Alcazar Photography